I walk into the studio space.
300 YTT at Octopus Garden Yoga Centre.
Sounds of excitement, nerves, shiny trills
Entering into a new phase of something wonderful.
There is already divine communion that doesn’t need to be spoken.
It is palpable in the airwaves.
I see old faces from the previous training, and a handful of new ones.
There is the unity of home, family, familiarity
And at the same time new discoveries of different voices, new insights, and a wealth of knowledge I am so excited to tap into.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the people in this room, some of whom I don’t even know their names.
All the same.
I know my life is about to change.
Our teachers enter the room with such pride; excitement sparkling back at us through their eyes.
They look at one another, as those smiles I have grown to know and adore so much spread across their faces.
We are ready to know one another.
Weekend by weekend I am astonished at the integration taking place from our last training to this. New information, however, is proving harder to penetrate.
Aching with information from Asana, Anatomy, and Mantra to Non-Violent Communication, Meditation, and Cuing… the moments I have of panic, sheer terror that I will never be good enough, strong enough, wonderful enough to be a yoga teacher are enough to rock my entire concept of my own reality.
What have I done? What am I doing here?
Then I’m placed in front of one of my teachers.
Her heart softens mine nearly instantly.
“You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.”
My trust in this fierce beauty allows her words to hit something deep in me
And my spirit lands right back into my body
There is a foundation building under my ankles and my toes that will hold me up when everything else falls a part.
My body/heart/mind are coming toward meeting each other in the middle.
What’s even more wonderful is I know the rest of you feel it too.
Summer came quickly.
Ecology Retreat Center.
A stand out in those 6 months.
To find yourself in trees, near streams.
7:00am hour meditation,
All day lessons in practice.
Waking up to moments of
Your edges are softening,
You are holding yourself up every day.
You are watching the people that you love bloom and blossom
and break apart into pieces just to put themselves gracefully back together.
With a lightness and a bold strength greeting one another in romantic fury.
Your body is waking up
Your heart is opening to possibilities.
And your curiosity is incurable.
Our last weekend.
We all don’t understand or comprehend
How this all happened so fast.
There is attachment.
To this safe space.
To these people.
I’m learning that this does not change, these instances of mega-love that lead ultimately to a departure, a death, and ending of an era – whether the era is 3 days or 6 months or 2 years.
I know the chances of all of us being in the same room together again are low.
How do I let go?
In 6 months this room has transformed in front of our eyes. We all have found our footing, even if it’s still shaking with the opening of trust or the revival of our own heartbeats.
And we move our bodies to each others voices.
And we play and question and guess and realize that we know more than we once thought we did.
I glanced at all of you
Sitting circular across from one another
For our final check-in.
Wondering when my heart got this big?
How could I be in love with 30 people at once?
I want to take all of your classes at the same time and hear your voices and learn from your words and align with your cues and integrate your magic and love you from afar and dream about working together and creating space with each other and and and
This is what lucky feels like.
You have all made me so lucky.
Our voices rang with laughter.
Tears finding themselves in pools next to our toes.
When the veils fall and our lovely weaknesses come up to be held, we have surrendered to saving one another.
I am amazed at all of you and your ability to get vulnerable.
That is what I’m taking with me through the rest of this life.
And in our final embraces
It finally hits me
What I’ve been waiting to hear from my soft spoken heart
Since I began studying with this group of people.
I realize that we did not enter this training to learn about Asana.
We entered it
to learn how to live.
And we begin.
Written by Megan Marie Gates